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Sunday, April 28th, 2002
3:06 pm
some people are so fucking typical it's disgusting.
meaning. find your own self. and not what you find in others.

sarah.

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Friday, April 26th, 2002
9:26 pm
I get so used to saying no, that when I so much as think yes, I begin to stutter.

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Wednesday, April 24th, 2002
1:10 am - there is one thing i am sure of.. i will love her forever.
it went away for a week or so. and now i have to relocate it from the back of my mind and sort it all out. put the pieces together and make them RIGHT this time. but i am so fucking confused it is going to take some hard hard thinking. it seems so easy. just reach that thought that keeps poping up and stick to it. but i am scared. scared it will all repeat and i will just be bashing my head into the same fucking wall forever. so i guess i just answerd everything right then and there. ugh.

on the good side: my social life is fun. and i love the beatles.

sarah.

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Saturday, April 13th, 2002
2:53 pm
i have a little red sack. it tells me he loves me and that i am gorgeous!

thankyou bethany!! xoxoxo

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Monday, April 8th, 2002
2:05 am - stop wasting my time. make up your mind.
it is so strange when it is all there. spread out for me to read and take in as who & what i am. there are so many times when i do forget. so the second i realise. i am speachless. brain twirling with anxious neverendings. as i try to explain it to myself again. i understand so much. but do nothing about it. im stuck. and confused. and i want this magical little fairy to come into my room and tell me what is right.

sarah.

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Wednesday, April 3rd, 2002
1:22 am - i love mae. <3
feeling horrible and all i can hear are screams coming from the tele in my room. where is my kat.
i am such a sucker for..ugh i dont know. everything.
today and tomorrow all i do is draw & draw & draw.
talk on the phone : evie mae yama tim celia.
i need a holiday. and i need one fast. anyone?

[trouble]you are time consuming & not worth it one little bit. you make me sad/angry/EMOTIONAL. i need to lose you.

i will walk through you tomorrow. i will feel anxious & ugly & hungry. i hope for things. and think out laod way too much. then i leave & repeat repeat repeat. + think think think. thoughts.

sarah.

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Monday, April 1st, 2002
11:43 pm - ranting rants.
tim is living here now. he is funny.
it was easter. i ate chocolate. mashpotato. salt.
i bought cds. lunch & dinner. we made dinner. dirty tofu.
we flashed ourselves. maybe a little too much.
3 spiders in the hallway.
and my homework is still sitting there!!

sarah again.

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11:31 pm - mash potato 24/7
i think too much. and then i think too much again. and then i just upset myself.
this feeling is me here forever in the same thoughts never knowing why or how.
im so fucking sick of this train. round & round.
yes i know. but it doesnt work that easy.
i need someone, something, now.

sarah.

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Monday, March 25th, 2002
12:27 pm - new music. new mixed tapes. love sarah.
I got a broken face
I got a
I got a broken face
Uh-hu uh-hu uh-hu uh-hu ooo
I got a broken face

[today sucks]

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12:18 pm - oh what a night. do da di dada
so strange. feeling so very strange.. anxious. just weird. i have butterflys in my belly..and on my birthday too >=|
yes it was my birthday. a relaxing day. movie. mae. & presents. no cake though =( im not really sure what happend there..i will have to talk to yama.
nick you were here. and so st albans played 2 shows. toms house & in the city. so normal. but so different at the same time.
im not going to write all the thoughts that ran through my mind. too annoying. too complicated. bla bla.

do you know what is wanted? and do you know how to get it? no. it is never like this anymore. it cant be handled in short period. neither long. they are both talking to me. there are two sides to everything.. the job is to find out which one is real. what counts. what should count. wasting so many things on all this junk. positvie thing? no.

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Friday, March 22nd, 2002
12:22 am - down in the dirty dumps.
i cant seem to put you together in a bunch. you need sorting. i dont know why i feel some things & i never understand it.
i think? i like you there.. for a small consumpion of need & love to be tortured & twisted to make me more confused.. does it [you] help me with this mixed collection of strange strange ideas.

i went to marion tonight. it was fun. i bought a cd & watched mae have her hair dyed. yama told me he is making me a cake for my birthday. how sweet.. 2 days to go!

i am jealous of mae & her boy factor >=|
sarah.xx

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Monday, March 18th, 2002
10:25 pm - i am the birthday girl in 6 days!
i am scared of past experiences as they make my mind automatically think the worst of everything & everyone.. they decide my choices and feed out my words as i wish not to speak. they spin in my brain until i am bursting with this hopeless feeling for anything to ever go right again.

i am having a bad day and seem to be taking it out on everyone. im sorry. these thoughts come and go..i can never control them.
i want to breathe easy.
i want the stick-bug to get out of my room.
i want these scraches from my kittykat to dissapear.
sarah.xx

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Friday, January 18th, 2002
4:27 am
Well you didn't wake up this morning
cause you didn't go to bed
you were watching the whites of your eyes turn red.
The calendar on your wall is ticking..

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